December Boys Review...Oh Boy-S it sucks...LAME

December Boys Review:
Harry Potters first non-Potter performance fails to excite and tickle the erection bone in this conventional coming of age tale.

December Boys practically has the formula to be a Best Picture. Has all the relevant material and one of those soppy story lines where the audience is supposed to go "Awwwwwwwwwww" and "thats sweet man"

It's about four orphans with less than cute nicknames (Harry Potters Daniel Radcliffe is called MAPS......LAME!!!!!!) coming of age in 1960s Australia, and based on a novel that is no doubt as boring as the film, and is burned at a Christian Bon-Fire somewhere due to what would be a paragraph of a sex scene between MAPS and an Aussie whore..

For commercial purposes, it's the kind of film that makes cinema buffs feel good about watching "art" when the weekend's big blockbuster is sold out, but which doesn't challenge them too much. But is it good? Well, let's just say I didn't see this film beinmg released at the cinema's, much less staying in the cinema from December to December. As lame as it is though, snuggling upto Chris as we watch December Boys, we realised that it is a moderately engaging coming of age story. Departing from the Harry Potter films, Daniel Radcliffe plays Maps, one of four orphans who goes on holiday on the South Australian coast. Nicknamed the December Boys because of their birthdays, the foursome -- comprised of Maps, Misty, Sparks and Spit (for his spitting abilities, the original script called for him to be called SWALLOWS, but the writter changed it so that he could represent what more of the world choose to do ;) ) -- have always been best friends,and need eachother, because they are growing too old to be adoptees. But when they discover a couple living on the coast that is interested in possibly adopting a child, their friendships are tested as they compete to put on the best face and hopefully win the family each of them has always wanted.

It's an overstatement to say that Radcliffe is the film's star, with his ever changing accent (from British, to Australian, to New Zealand Fesh and Cheps style) but he plays a key role as the oldest of the orphans and the first to really discover life's cruelties (which include fucking an aussie whore, and then realising she's taken off on him...leaving him not even with a gift...well possibly the gift of Syphellis) . Meanwhile, Misty is really the focus of the film, serving as both the narrator and the protagonist once the orphans' competition for the attention of the young couple begins. It is at this point that i have to point out this kids unbelievable ugliness.. From the first frame of the film, i was repulsed and surpressed my urges to yell at the screen and find this child in real life to kill him and do this world justice.. I souly blame the failure of this film on Misty's face.

Even though the december boys stick together.. the four coming of age stories never quite come together, and make a boring bridged landscape of boys-to-men cliches, including first sexual experiences, romantic disappointments, etc.

December Boys is OK, not great, not death worthy; and as far as coming of age stories are concerned, when a movie tells you that after watching it nothing will ever be the same again, the likelihood is pretty high that everything actually in the film will be exactly the same as what you've seen before.

I give it 2 Dead Misty's/ 5

I seriously want this kid to die..
=P